Its Much Harder Than We Thought

You know when you imagine in your head how something is supposed to turn out?

As we put the plans in motion for the book project, we rehearsed every angle, every “what if”, every possible hiccup or hurdle; we even knew that revisiting the details of our two miscarriages was going to be painful and hard, but we were as ready for that as we could be. It was simple; women would write in using the web form, it would come through our email, and we would respond back. Easy, right? Something happened though; we overlooked something so, so serious, so simple yet so sensitive. It was so exciting seeing that first email notification, the big black bold letters in the inbox “Form submission from M6” All the hours of hard work were paying off, and it was working! I was so happy that this project was getting off the ground. 

I opened the email and read through the form, seeing all the details I had put into it emerging; but then I got to the “about yourself” section. I read about Ethan who was stillborn at 20 weeks at 11:08pm weighing 12 oz. and 10 1/2 inches long. I stared through that email as I wept, picturing him and his mommy. I realized that this was going to be much harder than I thought. I was at work the next day and received a form submission around 9:00am. I stopped for a minute to read through it. I read about a boy named Avi who was born at 39 weeks, 2 days, on his scheduled C-section date. Unfortunately, Avi went into crisis before the surgery. His mommy was put under quickly and he was alive for 39 minutes while being resuscitated. Avi died in his daddy’s arms and mommy never saw him alive. I cried for 5 minutes while I worked and thought about Avi’s mom and dad, and the pain and sadness they still live with. 

Artist: Stacy Marsh 

These are only two of the many emails that we received; we neglected to factor in how emotional this project was going to be, we never factored in that we would become emotionally attached to the families and the angles in these heartfelt stories of hope, love and loss. We didn’t realize that babies like Lucy and Ryan would now find their way into our hearts; I am finding that this is going to be much harder than I thought.

We have teamed up with Face 2 Face Rochester NY and there goal and mission much like ours is to provide emotional support and resources to those that have experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss and to raise awareness about pregnancy/infant loss in the Greater Rochester Area. Follow them on Facebook

Please consider supporting the project, helping us allows us to help them;